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Circle of Friends January 14, 2011

Posted by Rusty in 25-29, circle of friends.
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Hello, Lifetime, Wow! readers. Welcome to WordPress. Hopefully this will be a better experience for the writers and the readers alike. But enough of that admin crap because, holy shit, Circle of Friends is crazy.

What the Hell is even happening here?

The film opens with a woman running though the woods begging for her life. She falls and the unseen assailant pulls out a pistol and shoots her in a surprisingly graphic head shot. Question: If you have a gun, why are you bothering to run through the woods after this woman? Shoot her in the back! I guess it’s to make it look like a suicide? Because people think it’s a suicide. BUT THAT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE. Angle of the shot, distance of the shot, TWO SETS OF TRACKS FROM CHASING SOMEONE DOWN IN THE WOODS. But, fine. Suicide. Whatever.

At the funeral, three women are talking to a dead person. Stuff like, “you were the leader of our group. You remembered all the birthdays,” and then the next person takes over talking in the second person. Did they plan this in advance? This is weird. Then the fourth living member of their clique, Maggie, shows up. She missed the funeral because her flight was delayed.

The movie is set in Connecticut and Maggie lives in New York City, so what an asshole. Rent a car. It’s a three hour drive, max. Isn’t a friend’s funeral important enough to make it on time? Total asshole move.

Actually, this movie goes way out of its way to make everyone pretty unlikeable. These ladies were all a clique in high school and they pride themselves on being “exclusive.” They’re reconnecting over memories of being snotty and picking on people lower down on the social ladder.  I am Team Killer right now.

Maggie’s deal is that her husband (her high school flame, natch) died in a fiery car wreck. Immediately after the funeral, Maggie notices someone else in the Class of 92 died mysteriously. In what might be the land-speed record for women’s intuition, Maggie immediately jumps to the conclusion that there is a murderer who wants them all dead. Her friends politely tell her that she is just trying to convince herself that her hubby didn’t die in a DUI wreck. A DUI wreck where no alcohol was found in the victim’s body.

While trying to solve the case, Maggie also jumps into the sack with her 10th grade boyfriend. There is an astonishing amount of sideboob. Sideboob is the best boob, amiright, fellas? Also, Julie Benz has three moles on her tummy. Just an FYI.

(Also, if you’re going to have a spontaneous bone scene on the living room floor in front of a fire (argh), where does the areolae covering blanket come from? I understand the need for the blanket. Can’t show baby toes on TV. But the blanket needs to come from somewhere! Did the guy (Harry, btw) get up and get a blanket? Why not snuggle on the couch then? Why are you guys lying on a hardwood floor!? THIS MAKES NO SENSE!)

Maggie finds a photo from back in the day that shows half of the dead people at a campfire. Clearly the other people in the photo are in danger too. She takes it to the police, but the lead detective won’t help her on account of what a bitch she was in high school.  Oh, and two more people from the photo die. One is pushed off a balcony (she literally stops investigating a home break-in to step on a balcony to fix one of her plants) and another in some kind of gas explosion. The killer goes after Maggie by, wait for it, opening the fireplace flue. Carbon monoxide, ya’ll! She escapes the silent killer.

So we get more investigating. A huge part of the plot depends on these people HAVING NO CLUE who their high school classmates are. They can’t recognize people in that photo and people literally stop them on the street to tell them they went to high school together. In a small town? Really? I blame public schools. Public schools are gross. (HaromyC and Kate were publicly educated. Obviously.)

Maggie goes back to NYC where she is a famous designer and her stereotype GAY GAY GAY assistant mentions a comedy club. Somehow that’s the key to everything. One of the stand-ups also went to high school with everybody and he was at the camping trip in question. He saw one of the Circle of Friends (the brunette one who is dating a gubernatorial candidate and ALSO HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEARTS) accidentally kill a student and he has been blackmailing her. She has been killing off every last person on that trip to prevent the blackmail. She gets caught and the end.

AWESOMENESS: 19

It’s pretty awesome. Nothing makes sense and there is sex and violence and general zaniness. I was a fan.

HEY! IT’S THAT GUY: 3

Maggie was played by Julie Benz from Buffy/Angel and I guess she was in Dexter. I hated her in the Buffyverse. Here’s a character they kill off six episodes in and yet she keeps coming back! Season 3 of Angel, WHICH IS SIX YEARS AFTER SHE DIED ON BUFFY, and we are still dealing with Darla shit. Boo to Julie Benz.

LIFETIMENESS: 6

I mentioned the women’s intuition and the fireplace coitus, but there has to be a very serious demerit for the bad guy not being a guy at all. Lady serial killers? Come on.

Also, no black detectives or principles.

GRAND TOTAL: 28

A fine way to kick off our WordPress era. Definitely DVR-worthy.

Comments»

1. Lifetime, Wow! « Sweet Disorder - January 14, 2011

[…] a new review up at Lifetime, Wow, which now has a new WordPress home! So much […]

2. Jessica - January 15, 2011

Woooooot wordpress era! And Julie Benz’s mouth weirds me out, right? She holds it kind of weird or something? I don’t hate her. Her mouth it just kind of too far forward or something? PS wooo wordpress era!

3. rocknrollcoma - January 15, 2011

Dissing my public school education isn’t particularly hurtful when you fail to spell my name correctly. Otherwise, fine job.

4. girlwithglasses - January 15, 2011

bless you for this beautiful start to a new blog and a new year.

i am especially keen on the poster (is that what we call made-for-tv movie graphics?) art. they made the women look so awesomely bitchy, but made julie look like a saint. am i correct to assume she was the nicest of the evil clique?

5. Mother, May I Sleep With Danger? « Lifetime, Wow! - January 21, 2011

[…] Who knew that the best title in TV-movie history could be so damned misleading? At least Circle of Friends has a circle of […]

6. Confined « Lifetime, Wow! - January 31, 2011

[…] was bad. There was never any tension. It didn’t even have the decency to be goofy like that other Lifetime movie that starred a Buffy alumnus. Oh, that’s right! I forgot to mention who played […]


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